The Clumpany took a bit of time this morning to try and get to the bottom of yesterday’s mass display of a cappella singing excellence at the Crumbledome.
It turns out that what sounded like an awful lot of Sevco fans singing about being “up to their knees in Fenian blood” and Alan Stubbs being “a fat Fenian bastard” was actually nothing of the kind.
It turns out that there were 49,000 of the world’s finest ventriloquists standing outside the stadium, throwing their voices over the decaying walls and roof, while the spectators in the stadium made absolutely no noise whatsoever.
And the songs that many TV viewers and media commentators thought they heard were absolutely not about Fenians or the glorifying of violence against them.
No, the songs were actually a reworking of the New Seekers’ anthem of love for one’s fellow man: “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing (In Perfect Harmony)”. The lyrics had been changed to express Sevco fans’ appreciation of everyone in society, and how all are welcome at the Crumbledome. Especially if they are of Irish nationality or ethnicity. It also spoke of the love they are spreading on ‘The Journey’ and how the ‘same club’ is no longer ‘up to its knees’ in unpaid invoices and tax demands, because it is going to pay them all. Immediately.
I must admit that it was touching stuff, and think that we should all offer an apology to Sevco fans for initially mistaking this wonderful spectacle for something much darker and sinister. Something which would continue to sully the club’s reputation and cause it no end of problems with UEFA should it ever qualify for European competition.
So, as far as The Clumpany is concerned there is no need for the media to offer further comment on yesterday’s events. Nor should the SPFL or SFA condemn the singing or take any action over it. And Sevco FC can simply stand by and let their ‘fans get on with it’. Everything is absolutely fine.
I sense some scepticism from Clumpaneers reading this blog. You think that the above account is an absolute pile of bullsh*t, don’t you?
Well perhaps you’d like to believe this account of a jaw-droppingly brilliant plot instead…?