The Clumpany had a great Christmas and hopes that you did too. I received a large number of bottles of Buckie (which I always love!) but also a bewildering range of bleach. From supermarket ‘own-brand’, through premium products such as ‘Domestos’, to a small vial of bleach created by cleanliness-minded Tibetan monks. It was brilliant stuff, and all makes for a great cocktail!
A creative sort bought me “Evening Shark-Jump”– branded bleach which purported to wipe out the stain of liquidation. But when I had it tested in the Clumpany laboratories it turned out to be made of snake oil…
But my favourite present came in a box marked “Ibrox preparation kit”. I opened it and found a pair of fishing waders. I was utterly bemused. Because no matter how much water pours through the roof of the Crumbledome, there will be no fish swimming on or above the pitch anytime soon. And in any case, I am not a proper angler. I only fish for Sevconian bites! 😉
But then I found a note which said “Just in case you ever go to Ibrox, you will need these waders. Remember that even tribute acts could make it to the Scottish Premiership. You can’t be too careful”.
Any lingering doubt I had about the likely usefulness of the gift was dispelled during the course of Sevco’s (well-deserved) win over Hibs today. It seems from the singing of many Sevco fans that certain sorts of future visitors to the Crumbledome (possibly experiencing Premiership football) are likely to have to wade through Fenian blood to get to their seats.
I am thinking of asking, William Hill, QTS, Petrofac Training Services, Ladbrokes, Sky, BT Sport and the BBC to sponsor my new waders as I am sure they will have no problem being associated with something that is likely to be covered in Fenian blood. After all, I will wear them while following Scottish Football. A venerable institution whose National Association is one of the oldest in the world, and which is a privileged member of the International Football Association Board (with the FA, FAW, IFA and four FIFA representatives) which continues to make the laws of the game.
And if the SFA (and any other governing bodies in its jurisdiction such as the SPFL) can ultimately stand by while folk of a different ethnicity, nationality or religion are subjected to sustained offensive singing, then such singing must surely be for the ‘greater good’ of the game?!
I am now off to write a thank-you card to the purchaser of the Clumpany’s new waders. It was a brilliant present that can only be enhanced by the addition of Fenian blood sometime soon.
Long may Scotland’s inaction against anti-Irish racism and other forms of prejudice continue. I’d hate to have to throw my new boots away.