Clumpany Matters, Media, Scottish Football, Sevco, SPFL

Clumpany 1-0 Wrapping Paper (AET)

Good Afternoon.

There are scenes of total devastation in Clumpany Towers today as I finally emerge victorious from mortal combat with wrapping paper, scissors and sellotape.

Individually gift-wrapping 500 million bottles of Buckie for those Sevco fans less fortunate than ourselves at this special time of year was no small undertaking. But I heard that Dave King had no plans to send them all a bottle from his ‘as seen on TV’ wine cellar, and I wouldn’t want People not to have anything to unwrap on Christmas Day. Especially given that few will receive official Sevco merchandise this year owing to the highly effective boycott of Sports Direct. A boycott which has brought His Big Mikeness to his knees. With hysterical laughter.

But it’s not all ‘bad’ news for HBM. I hear that as a gesture of goodwill the RIFC board has agreed to buy 500 million unsold Sevco tops to boost Sports Direct’s profits. Year after year! Every day must feel like a Sevco Christmas for HBM!


The Clumpany hopes that amid all those generous retail transactions and the accompanying paperwork, the small matter of the much-heralded repayment of the £5m Sports Direct loan isn’t overlooked. Still, even if it is, I am sure HBM will remind the RIFC board that the obligation to repay £5m loans isn’t just for Christmas. It’s for life…

Meanwhile, the Clumpany hopes that The Warbmeister has managed to complete his Christmas shopping for Lady Warbmeister. If nothing else, the panicked mayhem of last-minute shopping will be a welcome break from ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY NOT FOCUSING AND COMMENTING UPON ANYTHING THAT ALAN STUBBS HAS SAID ABOUT SEVCO.

When Warbo closes his eyes he DEFINITELY doesn’t see this image taunting him
I hear Stubbs has sent Warbo one of those ‘noisy’ Christmas cards. The picture on the front is of a (Festive) Magic Hat. And when you open the card you hear the sound of a bottle crashing.

But I am sure that Warbo will ABSOLUTELY RESPECTFULLY take it well, and concentrate on not changing Sevco’s on-field approach for the millionth game in a row. After all, like the joy of Christmas, Warbo’s tactics are eternal.

Finally, in other news, I hear that Jim Traynor wants a poodle for Christmas. And so the Scottish sports hacks are going to his house in costume for Christmas dinner, all hoping to secure the role. For yet another year…


I will leave you to decide which sports journslists would best suit these costumes…
On a serious note, The Clumpany wishes you all a happy and peaceful Christmas with your nearest and dearest. And hopefully we can all spare a thought (and look out for) those for whom Chrismas is a struggle through illness, loneliness, bereavement or homelessness etc.
Best wishes, and…