Today we were treated to one of The Clumpany’s favourite ‘non-stories’ of recent times.
Yes, Dave King paid a visit to the SPFL!
See – I told you he did.
The headline makes it sound like he was visiting an elderly aunt for a cup of tea and a chat.
In no way shape or form is Dave King going to the SPFL as a ‘courtesy’ because he hasn’t been before newsworthy.
In fact it is so lacking in newsworthy attributes that it almost makes you fire up the cynicism and wonder if the utterly anodyne account of the meeting actually masks a somewhat different reality. Especially as – by apparent coincidence -Richard Wilson of the BBC was on hand to cover the total non-event. With a TV cameraman.
Yes that’s right. A BBC reporter and cameraman were at Hampden and covered Dave King coming out of the building having met the SPFL for a courtesy chat.
Right now I feel like Lieutenant Columbo during a particularly befuddled moment, when something just doesn’t ring true, but you don’t know why.
But I can’t help wondering if Mr Wilson and King were actually piloting a new reality TV show: “Out And About With Dave King”, where we get to see him pottering about in a series of increasingly tedious scenarios:
‘Dave King reads a book’.
‘Dave King has a glass of water’.
‘Dave King has a second glass of water but this time puts an ice cube in it’.
‘Dave King writes a letter’.
‘Dave King puts a stamp on the letter’.
‘Dave King posts the letter’ [The concluding part of a dramatic mid-season ‘letter trilogy’].
‘Dave King pops out to buy a pint of milk’.
‘Dave King walks past a branch of Sports Direct. Holistically’.
‘Dave King looks in the mirror and feels sad that his hair will never be as great as Paul Murray’s’.
‘Dave King takes a lift and shuffles uncomfortably as the Muzak is suddenly replaced by The Beatles’ ‘Taxman’.
‘Dave King visits IKEA to shop for a war chest but leaves empty-handed’ [this episode will be repeated a lot…].
I don’t know about you, but I think this new series could be a huge hit if Richard Wilson can nail an enthusiastic introductory monologue and then provide a witty commentary.
I am sure he has it in him.