Media, Scottish Football

The Job Interview

Good Evening.

Somewhere in the London offices of a fictional UK-wide media outlet, the Sports Editor is conducting interviews for a new recruit…

Sports Editor: “Welcome! Do sit yourself down. Thanks for coming all this way.”

Journalist: “Nae bother. Delighted to have been shortlisted. This is an exciting opportunity. I’ve always wanted to work for work for you. The greatest title in the business!”

Sports Editor: “Well that’s very nice of you to say so. Now shall we get down to business?”

Journalist: “Sure. Absolutely.”

Sports Editor [Browsing at paperwork]: “Now, looking at your CV, I see you have been in the business for around a couple of decades.”

Journalist: “Yes that’s right. I have a huge amount of experience, which I think could really be of benefit to your output.”

Sports Editor: “Good. Good. Now… Oh. Oh dear…”

[*Sports Editor frowns*]

Journalist [Looking worried and with a note of concern in their voice]: “Is there a problem?”

Sports Editor: “Well yes. Can I just check? You do know that this vacancy is for a role on our sports desk, don’t you?”

Journalist: “Err yes, of course. Why?”

Sports Editor: “Well it says on your CV that you have covered Scottish football during the past two decades?”

Journalist: “Yes that’s right. And it has given me a lot of experience which will be a real asset to you.”

Sports Editor: “Well that’s all well and good, but Scottish football isn’t really a sport is it?”

Journalist: “How do you mean?”

Sports Editor: “Well it was a completely warped game for years wasn’t it? Taxes going unpaid. A team using the money saved to get better players while others played by the rules. That’s not sport is it?”

Journalist: “Well… It depends what you mean.”

Sports Editor [Frowning at paperwork even more intently]: “And I can’t see anything on your CV about the work you did to call it out and help turn Scottish football back into a sport.”

Journalist [A note of panic creeping into their voice]: “But the games were played. Lots of them. And it was exciting stuff along the way. You should look through the examples of my work I have given you. It is top-drawer coverage.”

Sports Editor: “I am sorry, but that wasn’t sport. It was a pantomime. Have you thought about working as a showbiz correspondent instead?”

Journalist: “Are you having a laugh?”

Sports Editor: “Were you having a laugh during those years covering Scottish football?”

Journalist [Crushed]: “What do you want me to say?”

Sports Editor: “How about goodbye?”

[*Journalist gets up and runs out of the building*]



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