The Clumpany is just back from a lovely ethereal trip to Ireland booked through my favourite Motherwell-based travel company (although watch out for any cookies you encounter en route. They have a strange effect on some folk). 😉
Incidentally, does anyone remember the days when all the Motherwell talk was in relation to the billionaire born there?
Different times, and a different club…
Anyway, back down to business. The narrative around Sevco has taken a bit of a turn during the last couple of days. Keith Jackson wrote a piece politely questioning when Dave King might announce firm plans and finance for the public company of which he is Chairman.
Keith had recently said something similar on Twitter, so his piece didn’t come completely out of the blue.
However, even though we all know that media outlets remain aloof from PR operations, that didn’t stop the ‘paranoid’ and ‘#obsessed’ parts of the Clumposphere from seizing on Keith’s piece and wondering why he was asking those questions in his column at this particular moment in time.
Was there a problem in Sevconia which was about to break?
Was Keith trailing a big war chest-tastic announcement from the Man With The 35,000 Bottles Of Wine?
Or did Keith just feel like asking a few questions?
Whatever the truth, the piece stood out from the vast quantities of upbeat guff that has been churned out by the MSM as a whole in recent times. Mind you, the questions had already been asked by others, and Keith still managed to include a few remarks which prompted a chuckle in Clumpany Towers…
“They had arrived to save Rangers. “
Although you have to wonder why there was any need to do this given that a ‘club’ can’t ever be destroyed according to the narrative specially created for Ibrox-based clubs.
“To restore a club, not to pillage it. Of that there was never any reasonable doubt, even if King’s brusque manner and his raft of South African tax convictions made him a man of some mystery.”
Oh dear. A man of some mystery? He’s not the Milk Tray Man for Heaven’s sake! Where’s the ‘mystery’ in 41 tax convictions?
Keith continues: “Evidence is stacking up of delivery on all of these good intentions. A great deal of good work has been done. Rangers* are, first and foremost, going about their business primarily as a football club once more not the grotesque freak show it had become”
“Indicative of a club which is being nurtured, healed and regrown from the inside.”
There is no mention of Nomads, share listings or the Sports Direct loan, but Keith does take King to task over the issue of investment – having noted the uncertainty and difficulties caused by ongoing court cases.
“Long before he finally won his battle for control King also talked of his intentions for this club and with a hubristic flourish said he had set aside a sum of more than £30m of his children’s inheritance for the project.
So far, 234 days in, he has signed a single cheque for £1.5m which went into the club’s coffers shortly after his coronation as chairman. So again, the question is, how much more is he actually prepared to invest? And, for that matter, what is the true scale of his ambition?”
I must admit that I liked the precision of the ‘234 days’! Keith even ventures to suggest that £2-3m may be needed to ensure Sevco can see out the season, although we are not told how he arrived at that figure.
It’s all very measured – indeed tentative – from Keith, but the final few sentences are pretty pointed
“Rangers* require money from somewhere. And soon. So how much of it is King really good for? And when does he plan on stumping it up? After 234 days at the helm, it’s time these questions were answered.”
Those looking for answers might have glanced at the latest piece from everyone’s favourite… err… Clumpany alter-ego, Phil Mac Giolla Bhain, which can be found here:
The picture conveyed here is of financial crisis and a need to source external funding rather quickly. As always, you can make up your own mind about the things you read. However, I must admit I found the hint of an ‘Aldi’ anecdote intriguing. No doubt someone will be dining out on that one at some point soon…
However, if dark clouds and troubling times are not your cup of tea, you could instead have a big glass of Kool-Aid.
And where better to get it than from the Evening Shark-Jump?
In the world of the Evening Shark-Jump the sun always shines in Sevconia! And today was no exception. So please put on your sunglasses and apply liberal quantities of sun block…
You can probably guess what’s coming just from the title of the piece, but that doesn’t make it any less rewarding.
“RANGERS* Head of Recruitment Frank McParland admits the chance to be reunited with Mark Warburton and David Weir was too good to pass up.”
“McParland said: ‘What an institution [BINGO!] this club is. I’m really delighted to be here, and when I spoke to Mark about coming here, I was really excited by it, so I want to give everything and push on.’
‘[Auchenhowie] is some place, and I was really excited coming in on my first morning. I got David Weir to pick me up at 6am – although I’ll not be getting him to get me at that time every day!’
‘We got in and the manager was already here, and they both showed me around, and they are still excited by the place even though they’ve been here since the start of the season.’
‘It’s awesome, and as I said, I’m really lucky to be here. I did this with Rafa Benitez at Liverpool when we won the Champions League, and I was really pleased and proud to be involved with Liverpool at such a level.'”
What a guy The Warbmeister is! Getting in earlier than other people! And what a great reference to the Champions League to include in a Sevco piece! I bet that went down well in Shark-Jump Towers!
The piece tells us that “the capture of McParland was a significant coup for boss Warburton” without explaining why. I guess that if the mission is to write some positive words you don’t need to worry too much about the whys and wherefores.
And on it goes…
“McParland is confident Rangers* are back on the right track as the Light Blues set their sights on a Premiership return this term.
‘Mark is a top, top professional’ he told rangers.co.uk. ‘Him and David Weir I have known for 10 years, and I’ve had a great relationship from day one with them.’
‘They are two really hardworking professionals, and I’m really pleased and lucky to be here working with them. I’ve always followed the results because of Mark and David, and everyone here is smiling and happy, so it’s a great time to be at a club like this.'”
Did you get that folks? Great management team, amazing facilities, fantastic new Head of Recruitment, smiles on everyone’s faces and and a great time is being had by all!
Woohoo! If I had a party popper to hand I would be popping it right now!
But before we all get too carried away, it might be worth a quick look at the penultimate paragraph of the piece, where McParland remarks:
“I’m sure there are going to be some tough times, so it’s all about everyone sticking together in the football club – the supporters, staff and the players helping everyone.”
Tough times? I assume Frank simply meant Sevco experiencing the odd bad result. Because as we all know from the Evening Shark-Jump, everything is absolutely fine in Sevconia. And those who ask questions suggesting otherwise are not worth listening to.
NB The Clumpany has somehow made it to the final of the Football Blogging Awards 2015! Many thanks for your support! All votes from the previous round have been wiped out so your renewed support would be greatly appreciated! I understand that you can vote more than once.
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