Scottish Football, Sevco, SPFL

A Whiff Of Something Unpleasant

Good Afternoon.

Could you smell it last night?

Apprently it was unmistakable.

You might have thought it was the aroma of a booze-laden Saturday night. Or perhaps the stench of that gut-wrenchingly greasy kebab you really shouldn’t have had.

But it wasn’t. 

The thing which assaulted your nostrils was apparently “The Fear”.

Having managed to miss the first of the 400 penalties they have been awarded this season, second-tier stalwarts Sevco managed to Waggy up a very late winner against Queen of the South!

Bravo! Well done lads!

But in some parts of Sevconia, winning never seems to be quite enough.

Consequently, yesterday’s result brought that familiar, endearing, tub-thumping triumphalism to the fore, and the good folk of Twitter were treated to some familiar ‘greatest hits’.

1) Cries that they could smell ‘the Fear’ from non-Sevco fans. I always find it a curious thing to partly define your identify by how frightened others are of you, but there you go…

2) Declarations that “The Rangers* are coming”. Whether they are ‘coming’ to borrow a tenner to help keep the lights on for the rest of the season was not specified. But they are definitely ‘coming’, apparently.

3) Marvelling that human beings can hold more than one rational thought at once. Yes folks, a number of us really can have an interest in our own team AND wonder how the ‘world’s most successful three-year-old club (which purports to be the same one as a rule-breaking, creditor-stiffing one) is getting on.

It really isn’t that difficult! One could – for example – celebrate a late winner in the second tier AND ask your chairman about over-investment and share listings etc. Although to do that you have to resist the temptation to accept things on blind faith simply because they have come from the mouths of ‘Real Rangers Men’.

4) Revelling in bringing up the subject of child sexual abuse, with not a thought for how the victim might feel about it, or whether it might just make everyone think everything you say is ‘best ignored’.

5) ‘Cutting’ observations from a suspected PR operation which must be well-funded to be taking to social media on a Saturday night 😉.

I must admit that the idea of a “Sevco of the Day” is inspired and a credit to the meeting which probably devised it! What better way to pack the trophy cabinet of a new club than with a daily award?! I mean, who could be a better contender for “Sevco of the Day” than Sevco Scotland? Expect perhaps Sevco 5088?

I bet Real Madrid are seething with envy at not piling up those awards next to their European Cups!

6) Accusations that non-Sevco fans are “#obsessed”. It’s the hashtag which really makes that jibe work, isn’t it? Well that and the fact that it is actually older than the club that Sevco fans want us to fear but also ignore. I always imagine that the users of the ‘#obsessed’ hashtag sit back in their seat with a smirk and a small fist-pump after typing it. Because it’s THAT good.

The above points are now all so familiar and predictable that they are taking on the appearance of ritualised identity-affirming actions.

And in some ways you can’t blame the minority of Sevco fans who engage in them. When you have seen 140 years of history wiped out by your own club’s folly, it is only natural to want to forge a new identity.

It’s just a shame that it stinks.



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