Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Really Big News


David is too modest to admit that tactical genius can’t actually be taught…
Good Afternoon (and please Vote ‘Clumpany’!).

After yesterday’s consideration of trivial issues such as anti-Irish racism* and the overall governance of the game, The Clumpany feels it is now time to reflect upon some weightier matters. 

[*NB Show Racism the Red Card Scotland are yet to reply to my question, so do feel free to tweet them if you think it is a valid one.]

As ever, where there are matters of great importance to be considered, the Scottish sports media h̶a̶s̶ ̶f̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶l̶l̶s̶ is not far away…

First up, everyone’s favourite Evening Newspaper has brought us a truly remarkable confession from the recently reputationally-besmirched David Weir.

Ibrox assistant manager David Weir admits Rangers will have to adapt to different Championship challenges

Yes that’s right. Teams have been trying different tactics to try and stop the Warbolution Juggernaut, and David Weir says Sevco will need to change things to try and address it.

Amazing eh? This may be the sports story of the year! You can guarantee that Mourinho, Klopp, Guardiola, Wenger et al have all demanded a copy of the article so they can pin it up on the wall of their offices. It will be a helpful reminder of the level of tactical and coaching genius to which they need to aspire if they are ever to succeed in the game like Warburton and Weir.

I can only imagine the shock and awe in the Sevco dressing room when Weir broke the news to them:

“Listen lads, other teams are trying different things against us. We may need to change the way we play sometimes”.

Presumably half the squad immediately fainted, and the rest got on the phone to their agents in blind panic. I just hope everyone is now OK.

But my favourite epic revelation of recent days was this cracker from the Daily Record:

Jimmy Bullard: I’d have jumped at the chance to play for Rangers

Yes. Jimmy Bullard. 


“Is this story lame enough for you?”
As the Record ‘reports’:

“The former Wigan, Fulham and Hull City midfielder, who turned down a loan move to Celtic in 2010 due to his wife being pregnant… said:

‘This is a proper football club. I couldn’t believe how sharp all the boys were. It’s a massive football club.’

Proper AND massive! Wow!

And how sharp are those players owing to the trademark Warbmeister Magic?!

Unbelievably so, it would seem. 

Consequently, it may be sensible not to allow any balloons near them for the foreseeable future, just in case..: [*Insert your own ‘balloon’-based gag about not letting them meet any Sevco fans*]

Jimmy – who was apprently in Sevconia to film a training drill for Soccer AM – continues:

“I’ve never played for a big football club and for me, Rangers is one of the biggest football clubs so I’d have jumped at the chance if the timing was right.”

One of the biggest, eh? Level5 PR staff must have been rubbing their hands with glee at this nonsense.

And that’s it! ‘Man says he would like to have played for a big club, even an Ibrox-based one’.

BOOM! The Record has a perfect puff piece, and we can all marvel at how Scottish sports journalism has come to this…


NB The Clumpany has made it to the final of the Football Blogging Awards 2015! Many thanks for your support! All votes from the previous round have been wiped out so your renewed support would be greatly appreciated! I understand that you can vote more than once.

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