Good Afternoon (and please Vote ‘Clumpany’!).
Word has reached Clumpany Towers that the Clumpany’s favourite newspaper (ever-keen to associate itself with positive football-related news) is going to print a profile of The Clumpany!
No one was more surprised than me.
Apprently the Evening Shark-Jump (ESJ) was excited by the news that The Clumpany had somehow made the final of the ‘Best New Blog’ category of the ‘Football Blogging Awards 2015’, and decided – in an unprecedented move – to seek out the story that they ‘all’ wanted.
Committed Clumpaneers may remember that a previous MSM attempt to interview The Clumpany descended into fiasco. But apprently the ESJ has pulled out all the stops and obtained some very tasty tidings from ‘sources close to the Clumpany’.
Which makes me realise all-too-late that Buckie bottles (like walls) really do have ears.
So watch out everybody!
I have been passed a ‘near final draft’ of the first few paragraphs of the profile piece for information so I can get a flavour of what they are going to say about me.
And here they are, unedited:
The Clumpany: Master of the Bluff
“BEHIND the imposing exterior of Clumpany Towers lies an ancient and powerful force that is not afraid to speak the truth. The Clumpany lives and breathes Scottish football. Indeed, its heartbeat pumps the very lifeblood of our game. And when The Clumpany speaks, folk listen.
But all is not what it seems. Behind the apparent bravado and surreal commentary, the truth of the matter is that the beating heart actually pumps Light Blue blood. Legions of it.
And that blood has been pumping a lot faster of late as Mark Warburton has transformed the fortunes of Rangers as they seek to return to the top-flight at the second time of asking following their narrow accidental defeat to Motherwell in last season’s Playoff Final.
A source close to The Clumpany – who agreed to be interviewed on condition of anonymity and maybe work experience at Level5 PR – said:
‘It’s all a great big bluff. The Clumpany is actually the biggest Rangers fan you could ever meet. The Clumpany eats Staunch sandwiches for breakfast, Dignified burgers for dinner, and Orange Club biscuits for a snack.’
‘There was heartbreak in Clumpany Towers when Rangers’ holding company went into liquidation. The only consolation was that the Club survived. The Clumpany was appalled at the way obsessed agenda-driven people tried to claim that “liquidation is death”, and eventfully decided to do something about it by writing a blog that lampooned these ‘new club nutters’ in an elaborate and sustained bluff.’
‘It’s brilliant for The Clumpany to get to the final of this Award. The more people that get to read the blog, the sooner everyone will realise that Rangers are still alive, Scottish football has the finest journalists and administrators in the world, and that Dave King is over-investing like there is no tomorrow. Which of course there will be. Because Dave King and his regime are definitely over-investing.’
‘Yes, The Clumpany definitely deserves to be read by more people. Now, let me tell you a bit more about how impressed The Clumpany has been by Rangers since Mark Warburton took over. That win against St Johnstone in the League Cup was amazing wasn’t it? Like watching Brazil in 1970. Which was itself like watching the Barcelona Bears in 1972, even though they hadn’t happened yet…'”.
Oh dear. I think I may have to contact the Evening Shark-Jump asking for a few corrections to that piece…
I sincerely hope I can get through to someone. I suspect Chris Jack will probably be discussing Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ with Phil Mac Giolla Bhain at the ESJ Book Club. Or perhaps how best to promote Phil’s nomination in the ‘Best Established Blog’ category of the Football Blogging Awards…
Fingers crossed. I have a reputation to maintain…
Hello again! I suspect that Clumpaneers may have read between the lines of the above piece and assumed it was simply a glib and shameless plug for support in the Football Blogging Awards. I cannot possibly comment, but if you would like to continue registering your support…
You can vote for me in the ‘Best New Blog’ category via
Twitter by using this link http://bit.ly/1PVwe7P
On the FBA website, by following this link http://bit.ly/1uMohJw