Media, Sevco

Parallel Universes

Good Evening (and please Vote ‘Clumpany’ again!).

The Clumpany loves a lurch between parallel universes. And in the absence of suitable technology (and perhaps the laws of physics) delivering the goods, I continue to look towards the sports pages of the Scottish newspapers to take me between them.

To look at (or hear) him, you might not automatically assume that Derek Johnstone possesses the power to cross between parallel universes. You might simply assume that he is an ex-footballer with a media career whose continuing length isn’t in direct proportion to his footballing achievements and insight.

But no. DJ can actually straddle different universes as easily as you can politely say “Thanks Derek, but we really should hear from another caller now” on Clyde SSB.

And there is no better reason for adopting The Clumpany’s point of view than DJ’s latest ‘column’ in the Evening Shark-Jump, which focuses on Scotland’s Euro 2016 qualifying campaign:

Derek Johnstone: Despite all the efforts we just weren’t good enough

“In the end, it is down to ourselves and we haven’t been good enough to qualify for another finals.”

“There were games where we played well and got the points but too many where we didn’t get the wins we needed. When we lost in Georgia, I knew then we wouldn’t qualify.”

“Once again, we have failed. If we had finished in the top three, we would at least have had a chance in the play-offs, but we just weren’t good enough.”

“He did his best, the players did their best. Ultimately, though, you need the players to qualify for these competitions and we just couldn’t do it. We weren’t good enough.”

“We are a decent side, but that is all we are. We are nothing special.”

“If you don’t have the tools, you can’t work. We have got a group of players that work hard together, as you should when you play for your country, but, if we are honest with ourselves, we lack quality in certain areas. Putting 100 per cent into a game only gets you so far.”

Seriously folks. Replace ‘Scotland’ with ‘Sevco’ in the above quotes, and ask yourself if could you ever imagine DJ (or the other fine writers at the ESJ) saying those things. Even if they were unavoidably true. 

And of course they certainly have been true on many occasions since Charles Green founded Sevco FC in 2012. Most recently when St Johnstone turned over the allegedly awesome Warbmeister XI in the League Cup.

But (as you know) you would struggle to find DJ – and indeed the wider media – speaking about Sevco in these kind of terms, because they are ‘Rangers* matters‘. And as such, they are entirely different to ‘Scotland matters’

The dignity and staunchness (and yes, the sense of entitlement) simply isn’t the same at the inferior level of the Scottish national football team.

In the world of ‘Rangers* matters’, DJ can safely speak of liking “the cut of his jib straight away” when referencing the signing of a player from England’s ninth tier that he has never seen. And it is still treated as serious punditry by a newspaper!

But in the world of international football, a strange kind of perspective seems to apply among Sevconian commentators. Players can suddenly be talented or not. Putting in a good shift or not

It is almost as if a vague glimmer of rationality starts to creep in when these commentators are suddenly required to NOT view the world through Sevco-tinted spectacles.

And no good could ever come of that, could it?!


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