A Slice of Parma Sham?

Good Evening.

We live in remarkable times!

The Scottish sports media has hit the jackpot!

However, The Clumpany isn’t taking about the remarkable transformation – in football, society and the global economy – which is currently being brought about by The Warbmeister.

Although that will of course keep the MSM excited (and the incontinent pants industry in profit) for some considerable time!

No, The Clumpany is referring to the news that Parma Calcio 1913 has been admitted to Serie D in Italy.

Clumpaneers may remember that back in March two-time Uefa Cup winners Parma went to play Rangers in that ‘Great Friendly Fixture In The Sky’ when they went bust owing more than £143m.

Parma Calcio 1913 are clearly a new club, and the above reports says as much.

But this is where the opportunity for the Scottish MSM arises.

The Clumpany hears that a delegation of sports journalists are firing up the Lambmobile and heading to the airport.

From there, they will jet out to Italy on the back of specially-modified flying pigs to offer potentially lucrative consulting services to the Italian media.

And before long, the expensive magic will have worked!

There will be wall-to-wall stories in the newspapers insisting that it’s still ‘the same Parma’.

The Italian public will be well-versed in the intricacies of Engine Room Subsidiaries.

The merest flush of a toilet in the offices of a public authority will be deemed to be ‘irrefutable proof’ of ‘continuity’.

Radio stations will invite plates of Parma Ham into the studio to give their exclusive opinions on why a football club cannot die, and on why creditors don’t really matter.

TV shows will carry interviews with blocks of Parmesan Cheese, who will explain in great detail why Italian football needs a ‘strong Parma’.

And of course, anyone who cares to point out that this is all just a surreal fantasy to maintain an audience and avoid upsetting the fans will be laughed at and accused of “a pathetic display of tribalistic gloating“.

Let’s just hope the Italian public realise how lucky they are!

I know that we in Scotland do…



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