Goodbye Rationality, Hello Champions League!

Good Evening Barcelona!
Good Evening.

Have you ever been struck by a feeling of déjà blue?

Of course you have.

You’ve got a pulse and an interest in Scottish football.

So you will have heard that ‘strong Rangers’/ ‘back where they belong‘/ ‘European regulars‘ shtick many times before.

It’s all part of the Sevconian ‘continuum of crap‘, which also includes giddy excitement at every bowel movement in the rebuilding of the squad following their decision to stay in the Championship for another season. 

For Sevco and its media cheerleaders every flush of an Ibrox toilet, and every patch of Crumbledome rust that goes another day without expanding is something worth shouting about!

So it was an all-too familiar feeling today when the latest signing by The People’s Republic of Free Transfers came out with a new side-splitter.

Foderingham: Warburton sold me on Rangers three-year Champions League plan

The ex-Swindon, out-of-contract goalkeeper Wes Foderingham is quoted as saying

“Obviously, it’s a massive club”.

“I haven’t played at a massive club before. I see it as a fantastic opportunity for myself”

“He [Warburton] just said he’s got a three-year plan”. 

“Get out of the Championship, challenge in the SPL (sic) and obviously get into the Champions League”.

The Champions League, eh?

Are Foderingham and the Warbmeister channeling the spirit of Charles Green?! 

Sadly for Sevco’s founder, ‘Zadok the Priest’ is easily drowned out by the ‘Kerching!’ sound…

Sevco are scrambling around gathering up waifs and strays from around British football in order to field a team for the First Round of the Perpetual Failure Cup in three weeks’ time, and the new goalkeeper is mentioning the Champions League!

In his first public utterance at his new ‘club’!

Still, at least Foderingham looks the part for the Champions League 


Strangely, his comments are slightly at odds with those of the Warbster, who told TalkSevco radio last week

“It’s very dangerous to set specific timescales [in relation to European football] but the infrastructure is here”.

It is also unclear how Foderingham’s version of the Warbo ‘vision‘ squares with the previous comments of Baron Bouffant, who spoke about a seven-year plan to get “back [sic] to the very top”...

I am sure it can’t be the case that different people are saying random upbeat things to try and increase Sevconian optimism.

Of course not.


Random picture of a caped crusade
In other news, Sevco continue to break records by apparently becoming the first ‘club’ to face a claim from ex-players over holiday pay

Whatever the outcome of the claim, the fact that it is happening at all surely merits a visit from Roy Castle? 

[*Sings*] “Paid vacation’s what you need…”.

And finally (for now) The Clumpany would like to give one of its periodic Special Mentions to Derek ‘When I Was At Rangers’ Johnstone.

DJ starts off by taking a pop at the three ex-players who had expressed disappointment at the manner of their departure from Sevco.

He then manages to mention the “catastrophic slump in results” prior to Stuart McCall’s arrival without commenting on the contribution of everyone’s favourite gardener.

Apparently it was just the players fault…

Aye DJ…

Few realise that the inspiration for Harry Enfield’s ‘Scouser’ character came via Rangers and Chelsea.

But the most noteworthy things about DJ’s piece were 

  • his departure from the Approved Sevconian Narrative; and 
  • a genuinely brilliant quote that sums up the Sevco cheerleading-as-analysis that remains a shameful hallmark of much of our MSM.

Firstly, let’s have a look at theUnauthorised Comments’:

“Now that the public sale of season tickets for Rangers is about to begin, I have to say that I think they will be doing well to have shifted 30,000 in time for the new season.”

“It was announced earlier this week that 21,500 fans have renewed their books from last term and it is difficult to gauge whether that represents a good uptake or not.”
“But I am sure many supporters are waiting to see which new faces will arrive in the wake of Danny Wilson and Rob Kiernan.”
Naughty Derek! 

Fancy suggesting that Sevco might not be on course for record season ticket sales after the amazing take-up over the past three weeks!

And how dare he suggest that fans might want to see how far the war chest is going to be deployed before buying a season ticket?!

Surely Mr King’s word about “over-investing” is all that they should require?!

If he’s not careful, DJ will be hauled over the coals by Gary Ralston for criticising The Revolution!

Comrade King
And as for the quote I mentioned above…

DJ somehow felt the need to comment on the arrival at Sevco of 17 year-old Jordan Gibson: a veteran of the ninth tier of English senior football.

Well, at least he would be had he actually played for Alvechurch FC’s first team…

The Clumpany had never heard of Gibson before he moved to Sevco, so was looking forward to football legend Derek Johnstone’s detailed insight into the lad’s abilities.

Perhaps a few tasty anecdotes about some great free kicks? 

Maybe an exciting account of his speed? 

Or [*gasp*], a graphic description of some particularly ‘robust’ tackling?

But no…

We got this instead:

“I have never heard of the lad and I have never seen him play, but I like the cut of his jib straight away”.

Where the Hell does Scottish football punditry go from that, eh?

Downwards I assume. 

Ever downwards…



4 thoughts on “Goodbye Rationality, Hello Champions League!

Comments are closed.