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An Interview with The Clumpany

The Clumpany wore a hat for the interview
 
Good Evening.

Here is an Exclusive transcript of an interview from earlier today…

Journalist: “Wow! I can’t believe I have finally made it to Clumpany Towers! I thought it was just a figment of someone’s imagination. But after 5 pints of Buckie and Bleach I have finally arrived. What a place!”

[*Phone rings*]

Journalist [Holding phone]: “Hello? Oh, hi Jim! How are… Where am I? Oh I’m getting a really exciting Exclusive interview!”

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “Yes I know about the Rangers* season tickets, Jim. Yes I’ve seen the emails and texts. And the carrier pigeons. And I know about the subliminal messages on the TV.”

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “Oh come on Jim. I’ve done my bit for the cause. Day after day. No turd has gone unpolished, no limping over-the-hill pro or Sunday League youngster has gone unlinked to Ibrox”.

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “Sales aren’t going as well as planned?! What do you mean Jim? I thought Dave’s comments and the media campaign were meant to persuade everyone to buy a season ticket?!” 

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “Right. Bloody hell! So it’s all hands on deck then?”

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “OK Jim. You can count on me! My best hyperbole will be deployed at all times!”

[*Listens to phone intently*]

Journalist: “Cheers Jim. I’m on my way. I’ll just ask a cheeky wee question to please my readers before I leave.”

[*Phone clicks*] 

Journalist: “Right then Clumpany, before I have to leave, can I just ask you to confirm that…”

[*Phone rings*]

Journalist [Holding phone]: “Yes Jim I am leaving now. I know that ‘higher Rangers* priorities’ are all that really matters”.

[*Phone clicks*]

Journalist: “I’m sorry Clumpany. Maybe we can do the tell-all story another time?”

[*The Clumpany closes the door behind the journalist and pours a large Buckie and Bleach cocktail*]

#KeepOnClumping
 

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