You have to hand it to the Scottish sports media.
[*Pauses to allow Clumpaneers to define ‘it’ in their own way, and savour the comedic image. For some reason, I thought of a custard pie*]
No, The Clumpany is actually referring to the ability of our sports MSM to simultaneously
- tread on egg shells,
- leap up and down excitedly,
- balance on their hind legs to in the hope of lamb treats; and
- contort themselves to avoid confronting their own contradictions.
And at the same time invent an entirely new lexicon to discuss insolvency and the nature of a football club that absolutely no one outside Scotland (and most within Scotland) could hear or read without laughing raucously in disbelief.
And all in the course of covering events at Charles Green FC.
The media consumption of Sevco fans must be unbelievably important to the livelihoods and profits of those working in the Scottish media.
Or maybe Scottish editors and journalists simply fear the consequences of being straight with them.
Or perhaps both.
But we continue to see the hilarious spectacle on a daily basis. It is part gymnastics, part contortion, part cheerleading, and part whitewashing .
And it is often in direct defiance of any sort of context, or indeed reality.
It is almost like a travelling circus, which has decided to outstay it’s welcome and try the patience of most of the local population.
A local population which is mostly now heartily sick of the noise and the same old tired acts.
But somehow, the show keeps on going!
Every single bowel movement in Mark Warbuton’s efforts to build a new playing squad is hailed as a brilliant move.
Every potential signing is spoken about as if they have something genuinely awesome to offer Sevco.
Even if they are out of contract, prone to injury, or well past 30. Or even a combination of those things.
And on a wider note, the Scottish media’s determination to pretend that Rangers’ liquidation didn’t happen is the stuff of legend.
It is quite a cheek to run front-page splashes about the death of Rangers and then to disown them without explanation.
But thankfully, there are a good number of rational people out there who remember. And who also took a screenshot as a permanent reminder…
And on occasion these good folk can also spot the clumsy use of language in pursuit of The Great Lie.
‘Holding company’, ‘operating company’ and ‘Engine Room Subsidiary’ have no place in discussing a football club.
Unless you feel a deep sense of insecurity about the death of a football club, and will say anything – no matter how laughable – to pretend (or simply just convey a sense) that Rangers didn’t die.
Even at the most micro level, the media seems hell-bent on conveying an aura of ‘specialness’ on Sevco.
Celtic fans are still reeling from the crushing blow of Danny Wilson ‘snubbing’ them for Sevco. [Good Evening, Mr McCann, if you are looking in!].
And when Matthew Lindsay today reported on Kenny Miller hoping that Sevco get promoted this time around, he reeled off a list of Kenny’s former clubs that wasn’t quite complete…
He didn’t mention them all, but he certainly managed to miss out Celtic, where he played more games and scored more goals than he did at Derby County, which did get a mention.
The Clumpany wouldn’t be so petty as to suggest that Kenny’s Celtic credentials were missed out of a ‘doing well for Rangers*’ article on purpose.
Because the Scottish media doesn’t work like that!
Perhaps it isn’t quite that cynical most of the time, but it certainly is an absolute circus as far as its Sevco coverage is concerned.
Roll up! Roll up!