Congratulations to the King of the ‘Same Club’ Kit Kat Analogy on today’s spectacular piece of turbo-charged Sevco transfer hype!
Although Mr Dickson almost certainly didn’t write the headline, the material in his article provided ample basis for it.
As was reported over the weekend, out-of-contract former Manchester City (and ex-Ipswich, Blackpool, Oldham and Doncaster…) player Reece Wabara has headed to Sevco to join training.
This is with a view to permanently joining everyone’s favourite second-tier Engine Room Subsidary.
So what is the basis for the spell-binding headline?
Former Rangers and Sevco employee Andrew Dickson has spoken to “Former Rangers youngster Dean Furman”
So he has clearly gone to a world-leading expert…
Furman “was a team-mate of the England Under-20 cap at Doncaster and they previously played alongside each other at Oldham Athletic”.
“Reece is very attack-minded” said Furman.
“He’s very much in the Dani Alves mould because he’s very quick and loves to get forward. Defensively, he’s strong, too”.
“He has lovely ability, loves to beat a man and puts good deliveries into the box. He had quite a few assists last season and if I’m honest, he should have had many, many more.”
‘”I can’t speak for the new manager at Rangers but if he’s looking for a young, athletic full-back who can create and join in play, Reece ticks all the boxes.”
“He was one of the top performers at Doncaster and he has progressed an awful lot. He has worked extremely hard on his game and is becoming more consistent in his performances”.
But not good enough for Doncaster to move Heaven and Earth to keep him, eh? Or for a better Championship or Premier League club to come in for him?
Dickson then reports further amazing insights:
“Having shared a car to and from training throughout last season, Furman reckons he has unknowingly played a part in convincing Wabara his future lies in Glasgow”.
They shared a car!!!
Furman says: “We would talk about different things in the car and any time there has been a mention of Rangers, I’ve only said good things”
“The size of the club, the fanbase and the history attached to it is fantastic and I’ve just tried to let him know what it’s all about”.
Ah yes. There goes the inevitable mention of the ‘history’…
“I’m sure they’ll be attracting more players of Reece’s calibre and with his age, he is someone who can be an asset who is constantly improving”.
Or alternatively, players from the tier-nine-tastic Midlands Premier League…
Mr Dickson does at least give a nod towards some sort of perspective on Mr Wabaro’s actual ability:
“The comparisons are, as they tend to be in such circumstances, favourable, if rather unfair.
However, Sevco fans are still invited to believe…
“Yet, despite the hype, Rangers supporters won’t care too much if Reece Wabara really is in the mould of Barcelona great Dani Alves”.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the article comes complete with this picture of Dani Alves.
This really is incredible stuff.
If you didn’t know who the author was, and the Ibrox connections of the interviewee, and if you hadn’t seen a relentless torrent of upbeat ‘Sevco signings’ guff in recent weeks, you would swear that it was a spoof article.
But no, it’s for real!
It helps to make Sevconians feel a bit more positive about their beleaguered ‘club’, and hopefully more inclined to buy a season ticket.
Meanwhile, in other news, The Clumpany has been compared to the 19th Century Temperance movement…