[*Overheard on a bus in Govan a short while ago…*]
William: “Have you got one yet?”
Billy: “Got what?”
William: “Your season ticket for Ibrox next season?”
William: “You MUST! It’s going to be brilliant! We’ll have never seen the like before! The Rangers* are coming!”
Billy: “Well I’m not sure. It’s been hard going these past three years. We haven’t seen any big investment yet, there’s only a couple of new players, and the prices have gone up by 5%.”
William: “Get a grip man! It’s going to be amazing! Scottish football won’t know what’s hit it!”
Billy: “Yeah, but I’ve a pet unicorn to feed. Have you seen the price of unicorn food these days?”
William: [*stares blankly*]
Billy: “And then there’s all the extra bus fares I’m already paying out.”
William: “What extra bus fares?”
Billy: “Every day after work I get the bus down to Sports Direct so I can boycott it. I do it on my days off as well.”
William: “You do know that you can boycott at home Billy, don’t you?”
Billy: “Aye. But how will Mike Ashley know I’m boycotting his shop if I’m sat on my sofa? And besides, while I’m down there I can pick up the new Rangers* kit for me and all the family. Have you seen the prices there? They’re brilliant!”
William: “Billy, you do realise that…. Oh f*ck it… Look mate, I really think you should scrape your cash together, do as Mr King asks, and buy a season ticket. This is the start of something absolutely amazing and you’ll kick yourself if you miss out.”
Billy: “I’ve heard all that before mate. How do you know it’s true this time?”
William: “Because Chris Jack has got some bloke I have never heard of to say so…”
Billy: “I’m in! Now, what do you think of my new Puma trainers, mate? They were really cheap. Can you guess where I got them from?”
William: “Oh for f*ck’s sake, man…”
…screams the headline in today’s Evening Times.
Yes folks, Chris Jack is once again ‘doing his bit’ to bolster the ‘feel-good factor’ in Sevconia.
His ‘Exclusive‘ contains a number of quotes from Justin Andrews, who was one of Warburton’s partners on the NextGen series.
Unsurprisingly, Mr Andrews is full of gushing praise for Warburton, and predicts a future so bright, that the wearing of sunglasses will be mandatory for anyone even thinking about Sevco!
“Rangers are going to be the best team in Scotland within three years. I can guarantee that 100 per cent. Mark will want to play European football”.
“He will be thinking ‘I have to win these fans over’”.
“And to do that they have to have something to come and watch and enjoy. You will get end-to-end football, attacking play”.
“Next season, he will want to take it on and then in the next season he will want to play in Europe. Mark and I have worked together for years and it is an incredible thing for him, and a great appointment for Rangers”.
“It is not just good for Rangers, it is good for Scottish football that there is someone up there who can change things for the better”.
“Everybody has been talking about him down here. Scottish football has to get out of him what they can and use him to look at how they can make Scottish players better. He is the best sounding board they could have”
“What Scottish football needs is great games. Celtic can’t do it on their own. You need Rangers in there and when they are back they will play great football. Then Scottish football will be what it should be and everyone will benefit from it.”
Apart from the arrogance of the comments – which contain absolutely no consideration of the actual state of the game in Scotland, or the ability of any of its teams, managers or coaches – Warburton is portrayed as something of a Messiah.
They also rehash the spurious and insulting arguments that Scottish football ‘needs’ a ‘strong Rangers*’ and that the game doesn’t amount to much without them having regular fixture against Celtic.
Yes of course it is a puff piece.
And the media always like to run articles where ‘someone says something positive about something’. Particularly in relation to Sevco.
The Clumpany gets that.
But this context-free and totally unchallenged guff is almost making it to an art form!
Still, at least Billy is now off to buy his season ticket.
Well done Chris!
The Clumpany is now off to look through the rest of the Evening Times.
I am particularly looking forward to their analysis of the financial problems facing Sevco, and to them revealing the whereabouts of Dave King’s ‘war chest’
[NB Part 2 of ‘Billy and Chris’ can be found here!]