That innovative Dave King ‘plan’, and the simpering media coverage, expressed via the medium of Blackadder Goes Forth (“Captain Cook”, 1989)…
[Somewhere on a fictional Somme battlefield…]
Lieutenant George: Look what I got for you Sir.
Captain Blackadder: What?
Lieutenant George: It’s the latest issue of “King & Country”. Oh, damn inspiring stuff; the magazine that tells the Tommies the truth about the war.
Captain Blackadder: Or alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service.
Lieutenant George: Come, come, sir, now. You can’t deny that this fine newspaper is good for the morale of the men.
Captain Blackadder: Certainly not, I just think that more could be achieved by giving them some real toilet-paper.
[Some time later, behind the lines…]
Melchett: Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field.
Blackadder: Ah. Would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy?
Captain Darling: How could you possibly know that, Blackadder? It’s classified information!
Blackadder: It’s the same plan that we used last time and the seventeen times before that.
Melchett: Exactly! And that is what is so brilliant about it! Doing precisely what we’ve done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they’ll expect us to do this time! There is, however, one small problem.
Blackadder: That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first ten seconds.
Melchett: That’s right.
[Some time later, back in the trenches…]
Baldrick: I’m absolutely terrified!
Melchett: (laughs) Mmm- the healthy humor of the honest Tommy! (chuckles and slaps Baldrick on the side of the head) Don’t worry, my boy- if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you!
Blackadder: (scathingly)… About 35 miles behind you.
It may be a familiar script, but it’s still a very, very funny one!
Good luck Sevco! You are going to need it!
Oh, and please do