Clickbaiting (Sevco Style)

Quacking entertainment

Good Morning

The Clumpany doesn’t know quite how far the Sevco PR operation reaches, nor does it know the true extent of its desperation.

At a guess, I would guess it is pretty desperate these days. After all, a season ticket to Petrofacville isn’t anywhere near as exciting as one that might have taken you all the way Europe at the end of next season.

And you certainly can’t charge as much for it.

It is difficult to tell whether this masterpiece (which came to light on Twitter yesterday) stemmed from the upper floors of the PR industry (say, Level 5), or genuinely was the solo work of a well-intentioned creative genius in Sevconia.

“20 Reasons Why Celtic Fans Are Jealous Of Rangers”

Oh my!

Whatever the truth of its origins, the piece caused a huge amount of mirth. For its scale, its gross inaccuracies, and the frantic effort to clutch at any straw to reaffirm the notion that – by default – the listing* HMS Sevco is better than all other clubs, and its fans are better people.

[* It’s OK Sevco, I am not going to mention the shares being delisted. Oh wait…]

To be fair, the ‘fun’ piece does acknowledge the hard times in which the Ibrox club currently finds itself. But that’s about all I can say for it.

Some enthusiastic Clumpaneers invited yours truly to produce a counter-list on ‘behalf’ of Celtic. Perhaps over the several month period that would be required to do it full justice.

Well even the Clumpany doesn’t have that much time on its hands [NB No laughing at the back please!].

However, I will instead offer a few observations that – for me – act as a reminder of why the piece quoted above is a steaming pile of manure.

The sweet smell of a well-made argument

1) “It would’ve cost less, and left the previous owners with nothing, to go into liquidation. But it would also be humiliating for Celtic. So we paid all the bills. Celtic means the same to me as it does to other fans. I identify with the club and wish to be proud of it.”

      – Fergus McCann

There’s your dinner right there Mr Clickbait-Writer.

It really is a very good idea to pay your bills

Celtic did not leave behind an army of creditors.

And no one ever created a new club out of its dismembered body parts, called it by the same name, and then boasted of it being debt-free. Whilst blaming all and sundry for the demise of the first club when it was entirely self-inflicted.

Face-painters, the St John’s Ambulance, the newsagent, the tax payer… The list of the inglorious 276 goes on and one…

Celtic took responsibility for its financial mess.

Other clubs have done that too. Rangers didn’t.

And ‘same club’ Sevco won’t touch the debts with a barge pole. Unlike Rangers’ trophies of course…

2) “The stadium had to be rebuilt and people were saying why don’t you just buy the players Fergus? We’ll stand in the mud. But the stadium was a tool. We had to have a season-ticket base. 

Jack McGinn was saying, “We don’t want season-ticket holders, they are nothing but trouble.” Well, I just couldn’t live with that marketing philosophy at all.The answer is that you have got to fill the park. The average crowd was 28,000 and we built a 60,000- seat stadium. How smart was that? Well, it was the right thing to do.”

– Fergus McCann

The pitch didn’t hover, but the club soared

When the chips were down in the mid-1990s, and the club faced extinction, there was no bleating, lashing out at others, or sense of entitlement.

Despite the wishes of some fans to stop the souped-up Gers from winning title after title whatever it took, the Board and fanbase as a whole took a longer and more strategic view about building sustainably.

We continue to see the fruits of that every day. And it is a glorious thing.

Oh, and Celtic still managed to ‘stop the 10’ too. Something which may have spurred the MurrayGers on to even greater financial ‘adventures’.

Pleasing. Very pleasing indeed.

There are numerous other clubs in Scotland – most recently Hearts and Dunfermline – which can point to similar ‘measured’ approaches to getting themselves out of a hole.

They can probably also get away with not feeling ‘jealous’ of the Ibrox club…

3) “There is not a prouder man on God’s Earth than me at this moment. Winning was important, aye, but it was the way that we have won that has filled me with satisfaction. We did it by playing football. Pure, beautiful, inventive football. 

There was not a negative thought in our heads. Inter played right into our hands; it’s so sad to see such gifted players shackled by a system that restricts their freedom to think and to act. Our fans would never accept that sort of sterile approach. Our objective is always to try to win with style.” 

– Jock Stein

Barely ever mentioned…

We could argue until the cows come home about different elements of the history of the three clubs Celtic, Rangers and Sevco.

The very reason that Celtic was set up in the first place is something to be enormously proud of.

And no doubt Rangers fans look back with pride on the Gallant Pioneers, while Sevco fans will always have a soft spot for founding father Charles Green.

But the single most definitive moment in the history of Celtic (and indeed Scottish football as a whole) is the one I want to mention here.

Winning the 1967 European Cup with a team of ‘local lads’, in the manner that they did, against the team that they did is an extraordinary achievement.

Then, now and forever.

It also provided the moment which ultimately sent Rangers to its doom, and which still haunts the nightmares of Sevconians – who know that they will never see their team emulate it.

David Murray had a fixation with winning the Big Cup, and an extraordinary amount of money was spent in acquiring a Champions League record so embarrassing that it is still undergoing counselling.

Nae luck David.

“Maybe you’ll have better luck in the Champions League, Craig”

So there you have it. Three pretty good reasons for Celtic fans not to be jealous of either Sevco or the club they pretend to be.

However, I hope the citizens of the beautiful land of Sevconia enjoyed their little bit of gloating clickbait yesterday.

They’ve not much else to enjoy right now.


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